An Idiosyncratic Stand on Issues: Are you suffering from Assistant Girlfriend Syndro...

An Idiosyncratic Stand on Issues: Are you suffering from Assistant Girlfriend Syndro...: Recently I picked up my phone to see several missed calls from a lady in the youth department of our church. She was distressed and weep...

Are you suffering from Assistant Girlfriend Syndrome (AGS) ?

Recently I picked up my phone to see several missed calls from a lady in the youth department of our church. She was distressed and weeping because she had seen a male friend`s girlfriend kiss him. Days prior to that she had been working her fingers to the bone trying to help this guy because He had fallen sick and his girlfriend wasnt around to help.

This lady has been involved in what I call the Assistant Girlfriend Syndrome (AGS) for over 2 years. AGS is when a lady willingly plays the role of intimate lover or girlfriend whenever the regular or substantive girlfriend is unavailable. Like a reserve or substitute player an assistant girlfriend becomes unuseful when the substantive partner comes back. For this lady this cycle had continued over and over again for the past 2 years with this same guy and despite several intervention from me , she still would wind back into this same cycle.

 
We are just friends !
In most AGS cases I have seen , both the regular girlfriend and the assistant girlfriend are both friends and they all know each other. Thus deception creeps into the mind of the assistant girlfriend because she convinces her self that after ALL WE ARE ALL JUST FRIENDS ! 

In most cases the assistant girlfriend cannot enter into any relationship or is not commited to her relationship because SHE has hopes of becoming the regular girlfriend oneday when the regular partner is "ditched" .

Many young women and even men find themselves in these funny situations and get stuck in this cycle. Often times the motivation is an obsession based on emotions and a false hope that someday the regular partner will go and the guy will pick her when that happens.

You could be an assistant girlfriend without knowing !

• Do you have this male friend who only calls you and comes around when he is having an issue with his regular girlfriend ? 

• Are you doing things like cooking , jogging , going to the mall , long chats on whatsapp etc with him ONLY when the regular girl is not around ?

• Does he only make you do certain things a girlfriend should do ONLY when the  regular girl is not around ?

• Basically do you only become useful to this guy when His regular partner is not around ? Then you are an assistant girlfriend !

GET UP and start valueing yourself 
 Sweet sister my little word of advice to you is to GET UP and start valueing yourself . You might never become the regular girllfreind or worst of all you could be sitting on that fence for the REST of your life. You can be someone number 1 . If He loves you that much HE SHOULD END IT WITH THE OTHER ONE AND COME TO YOU. However becareful if you choose that option IF YOU BECOME THE REASON WHY A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP BREAKS you have thrown the wrong ball at the WALL AND IT WILL BOUNCE BACK.

My advice to you my sweet sister reading is BREAK IT AND MOVE ON , FIND YOURSELF YOUR PRINCE WHO CAN MAKE YOU HIS ONLY PRINCESS.
God bless you ! 😊

Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 4

One of the most worrying trend is with young aggrieved inexperienced married women in church who

share their negative experiences in marriage as a bad lesson with younger single women. They spew the venomous garbage of their so called lessons into the minds of naive of young unmarried women. Leaving them confused and sowing seeds of discord in their minds. Your marriage / relationship is as safe as its distance from these women . The slow effect of the poison they release into the minds of the women they claim to counsel can transform a beautiful content soul into a very ugly ingrate. 

And there is also the case of counselors with vested interests , a friend of mine had to break an engagement because the counselor who was the lady`s pastor told her that the Holy Spirit says that the man He is going to marry will be poor through out His life and that if she marries him , she will be poor and needy. The fact of the matter was that the lady was a gifted singer and the pastor did not want to loose her . The counselor later encouraged her to marry another pastor in the church and He assured them of His continued Financial support. Well 2 years later the ministry collapsed and the pastor couldn't provide financially for them anymore. And guess what ? The lady is now begging my friend for money to take care of her household. Counselors with vested interest can never be trusted . Indirectly or directly they can hammer on the weakness and failures of the relationship so much that a naive mind will loose interest or get confused.

I HEARD A PREACHER ONCE PRAISING HIS WIFE BECAUSE WHEN THEY MARRIED HE HAD ALMOST NOTHING. REGULAR INCOME , PERMANENT ACCOMMODATION , ECONOMICALLY SELF SUFFICIENT and all those things people would look out for in a husband were absent in His life at the time of marriage but His wife still loved him and married him.

I was amazed when I heard this same man teaching at a marriage seminar and when it came to talking about the things to look out for in a husband , he stated the very criteria he did not meet when He was getting married many years ago. To my utter amazement He went further to discourage young women from marrying a man who did not meet the same standards He did not meet years ago. 

What had changed ? Well He is now a mega church pastor , He has money , a good income , permanent accommodation and all that , and so He had forgotten where he came from or was pretending to be who he really wasn't. Its almost as if when it comes marriage counselling , some counselors put on a fake angelic personality and present a Cinderella story of their marriage as an example.

Continue Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 5 

Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 3

Now to Mrs Obama and Mrs Trump ...lol !

I have never really been a keen follower of first ladies , but when I saw the picture of Mrs Obama and Mrs Trump chatting in the white house I began to ponder over how these two ladies had gotten to where they are today.

This is how they began life

Miss Trump is a beauty queen , a super model who married a billionaire who is now president . She really is every woman`s dream , every woman would like to have the kind of life she has had. Have a wonderful career as a model , Sales woman , doctor , engineer etc and then marry a billionaire who lives in a pent house who then later becomes President of the United State. It sounds like a Cinderella story right ? but it is true. That is the story of Melania Trump and it would have been okay for every lady to have a Melania Trump expectation if ALL THE MEN IN THE WORLD WERE LIKE DONALD TRUMP !

Unfortunately not ALL MEN START LIFE WITH A $ 200, 000,000 fund inherited from their father like Donald Trump. 

Some like Barack Obama start life with nothing. They have to take the hard , slow and difficult part of the process to becoming a man. Infact most ladies stand a 1 out of 10 chances of marrying a Donald Trump. BUT IT DOESNT MEAN YOU CANT GET TOP THE TOP and RUB SHOULDERS WITH THE MELANIA TRUMPS OF SOCIETY .

This is how they began life

THE Michelle Obamas are the women who JUST BELIEF. They believe and are willing to go through the process with their men. I have seen pictures of Michelle and Barack in a VW Beetle  and pictures of them stepping out of a custom made $ 1.5 Million Dollar Cadillac. I have seen pictures of them in a thatched house in Kenya and pictures of them in the White House. They take a man despite his weakness and help push them to use their strengths. As a pastor I have heard young women who complain bitterly about their husbands just because things have not yet settled smoothly as they were expecting.

I know a lady who grumbles so much about her husband every Sunday . She has made her young husband`s marital challenges a life lesson to others. She keeps referencing to Her husbands" failures" as though he was a complete looser. Everyone in church knows of their issues because this woman is just not patient to HELP HER MAN MATURE THROUGH THE PROCESS.

And these are a result of the wrong approach to pre marital and post marital counselling . Christian values like faith , diligence , sacrifice , delayed gratification , self denial , submission , love , hope  etc have lost their place in counselling. EVERYTHING IS MATERIALISTIC , INSTANT AND SELF CENTERED THESE days.  

I really pray for the fate of marriages in our generation and the generations after. 

Continue Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 4  

Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 5

This is another challenge with Christian marital counselling these days I call it ARTIFICIAL EXAMPLES. I refrained from calling it Hypocrisy because that may be too harsh. But that is what they really are. These are counselors who ignore their past challenges and present their marriage as a bed of roses to young counselees who then assume that the challenges they are facing is peculiar to their relationship thus making them unnecessarily anxious about the future of their relationships. 

We must go back to the days of bible based christian marriage counselling that is embedded in Christian values and not in Human values and secular principles and experiences. A lady friend earned my respect so much when she mentioned that "..She was believing God for a car for her newly wedded husband.." She was pregnant and a car would really help with comfortable mobility. Instead of grumbling , complaining and wishing she had married another guy who had a car . She was doing what every Christian should do i.e. praying and believing and looking up to GOD for Her solution. In as much as I advocate that men must be responsible for the up keep of their home. Ladies / wives must also learn to make GOD the primary source of everything they need. The only way we can remain grateful to our husbands and wives for whoever they are IS TO CONTINUE LOOKING UP TO GOD and His word to transform the situation and NOT BY LISTENING TO SO CALLED EXPERTS AND EXPERIENCED MARRIAGE COUNSELORS. I do not say this to undermine the role of marriage counselors pre and post marriage.However we must all be like the Christians in Berea Act 17:11....and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true.  We must examine every advice we are given in the light of scriptures before we act.
 

Whether you find 
yourself with a Barack Obama or a Donald Trump , the fact still remains that you can still get to the highest places in life if you are willing to HELP YOUR MAN THROUGH THE PROCESS. This poison out there that seeks to encourage women to only look out for men who are already made and cooked is not of God . Most women have fallen victims to seemingly already made men who really just tend to frustrate and ill treat them. I have seen good christian women who are having affairs with married men , their bosses ,a man engaged to another woman already and all that , just because that is the only man they know who fits into this already made man criteria they have been given. Some men on the other hand are also loosing interest in marriage because of the pressure they have seen other married men go through or the pressure they have gone through in previous relationships. They`d rather be single and sleep around and go on with their lives than to settle with a woman who is not willing to allow them go through the process of becoming a man . 

Marriage is not for kids , it is for the matured . But  maturity is a process and we must all be willing to let God take us through the process of maturity. The bible says ... as long as an heir is underage, he is no different from a slave, although he owns the whole estate.(Gal 4:1).

There are still a lot of heirs who are still underage and ALL THEY NEED IS TIME TO MATURE SO THEY CAN OWN THE WHOLE ESTATE.

Christ is the center of every marriage or relationship , without Christ the foundation of marriage is shaky and marriages can crumble anytime . We need to invite Christ into our relationships and marriages so He can be the moderator. The bibles says in Rom 3:23...for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Our sins is what keeps us from experiencing the grace of God through Christ. In conclusion I want to recommend Christ Jesus to you. You can accept Him by just saying this simple prayer : Lord Jesus , I admit that I am a sinner please wash me from all my sins and make me pure again. Come and live in my heart and be Lord over my relationship. In Jesus Name Amen. 

If you are a christian then please pray and surrender everything to God and ask Him to lead you into a successful relationship through His word and the Holy Spirit. Amen !

#meditationsforyoungpeople

Continued from Previous Article (Part 4) .... 

Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 2

Christian Marital Counselling Crisis

Christian marriage counselling is really under attack . Recently I was sharing some experiences with an older friend of mine and he said "....Dan that is why I dont love my wife with all my heart , else if she starts messing up like this , it will affect my ministry". He continued by saying "... I used to love ladies fully and they would let me down , it affected my ministry so much that I decided not love my wife fully . And it has helped !" He said this to me laughing. 

For days I meditated on it and it appeared to make sense until the Lord spoke to me and said DONT LET THE EXPERIENCE OF OTHERS BE YOUR TEACHER , ALLOW MY WORD AND SPIRIT TO TEACH YOU. THE HOLY WORD OF GOD SAYS LOVE YOUR WIFE SO THAT IS WHAT YOU MUST DO.

I could imagine the countless number of people who have been deceived or misled by people`s so called counselling or advice. 

YOU MUST BE WANDERING , SO WHERE DOES MRS OBAMA AND MRS TRUMP COME IN ?  Well we are getting there soon . Man hood is a process , nobody is born a man or becomes a man overnight. To be born male happens instantly  but to become a man required a slow and complex process of rise and fall , failures and disappointments and several attempts at doing the same thing over and over again till you get it right.

Some by virtue of their background , luck, opportunities, temperament  etc turn to move faster through the process that others , or even start far ahead in the process. But the fact still remains that becoming a man is a process.  

Continue Are you Melania Trump Or a Michelle Obama : Christian Marital Counselling Crisis 3  

THE BIG BANG THEORY LESSON !!

THE BIG BANG THEORY LESSON !!

Whiles watching an episode of big bang theory, Leonard, a lead character in the series`s mom come over to visit. She meets Penny and describes the source of Penny`s numerous problems as being due to "HER HAVING AN EXTERNAL LOCUS OF IDENTITY" which means that Penny looks out for external things to validate herself.

Though hilarious, her problem is really an issue that challenges many people especially women. You need to learn to look at yourself from an inward perspective and not an outward one.There are people who grew up in an environment where being pretty or THINKING you look pretty is considered an achievement when it actually isn't .

Today it is smooth skin, the next day it is bigger or smaller breast, the next day it wider hips or a certain buttocks shape or a certain height or a nose job or darker/brighter skin tone. The standard for beauty from an external perspective keeps changing. 

The big question is how did external beauty help any of the great women of our time and from the past in their various endeavors ? 
History has taught us that even women who were known for their iconic beauty required more than their looks to excel, even when it comes to "physical" looks-driven industries like modelling and acting, you still require more than looking pretty. If having nice boobs and a pretty face was ALL it took to excel in these fields then every beautiful lady who went into acting or modelling would excel. On the contrary most of those who excelled were told they either were too short or were deficient somewhere and yet still they beat the odds and excelled.

Learn to dig deep into yourselves to create an internal locus of identity instead of an external one. List all your achievements and successes so far and cross out the ones you were able to achieve because you had all those beautiful features you are looking for. Make a list of your future aspirations and cross out the ones you can achieve just by having nice boobs, nice skin, hair, face etc.

You would notice that for most cases you will not have anything to cross out. Thus proving that you can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU.

Will John Mahama join his friends ? : 5 good friends of Mahama who have lost power in recent times

2016 has been a year where many incumbent governments have been over thrown through elections. As we approach our own elections in Ghana just two days from now , questions arise as to whether our incumbent NDC that has been in power for 8 years will also follow suite.

We want to consider 5 presidents and leaders who are friends of John Mahama who have lost elections or been kicked out of power by the people .

1. Goodluck Jonathan of Nigeria 

These two have a lot in common because they both served as vice presidents who came to power after the passing away of the president. However Goodluck was booted out of power in 2015 after leading a government that was accused of corruption and bad leadership accusations similar to that of John Mahama in Ghana .


2. David Cameron 

The relationship between Ghana and its colonial master Britain has been very cordial and friendly since independence more 50 years ago. Traditionally every Ghanaian president allies himself with the British Prime Minister. From John Kuffuor with Tony Blair , through to Mills and Now John Mahama and David Cameron. David Cameron however was forced to resign this year after He lost a referendum to decide whether Britain should stay in the E.U or not .

3. Hillary Clinton of the United States

Hillary Clinton is the only one on the list who was not a sitting president. She however suffered a shocking defeat in the November polls despite winning by over 2 million votes. His opponent Donald Trump won the electoral college votes to become president thus ending 8 years of Democratic Party rule in the White House .

4.  Yahya Jammeh of Gambia 

 
The cordial relationship between President Mahama and Yahya Jammeh is not a secret. They have both paid State visits to each others country and are said to be very good friends. However His defeat which is among the most recent came as a great surprise. The 51 year old who has been in power for more than 20 years was seeking reelection for another 5 year term but was denied by the people just less than a week ago.

5. Prime Minister Renzi


"I did'nt know my people hated me so much..." These were the words of the 41 year former Italian PM. He was dubbed as the youngest to occupy that seat. However due to a failed referendum aimed at backing constitutional changes put forward by His government  Prime Minister Renzi was forced to resign on Monday 5th December 2016 a little over 2 years after becoming prime minister.

With the call for Change in Ghana having reached a crescendo and the NDC having served 8 years in office , will President John Dramani Mahama break the jinx or will he follow the trend of His friends ?  December 7th is 2 days away and we can all do nothing but wait till then. I wish all the people of Ghana a peaceful 2016 elections.
God Bless..

..Daniel Manford Jnr.